In the Home Stretch

I am getting on a plane to go and bring our daughter home NEXT WEEK!

This has been a long and tiring process but we are so close to having our girl home.  We found out this past Monday that Yeabsira passed the medical tests required to enter the US.  Our case is being filed with the US Embassy in Addis Ababa and then they will email us their approval of our case.  At that time we can schedule an appointment at the Embassy to receive her visa.

We anticipate receiving approval tomorrow, Friday or Monday.  I already have our travel agent searching possible flights depending on which day we are approved.  My good friend Margo, who will be traveling with me, is on "stand-by" and ready to go.

Can't wait to hug this girl again...

Many of you have asked some  good questions and I wanted to take a moment and answer some of those questions.

1) What are you going to call her?

Our daughter's Ethiopian name is Yeabsira Hailu.  Her full American name will be Yeabsira Grace Hailu Burns.  We will let Yeabsira decide what she would like to be called.  We are very happy to call her Yeabsira but will defer to her preference.  

2) Are you going to put Yeabsira in school right away?

Our current plan is to keep Yeabsira home with us for a few months.  The adjustment to a new culture, new language, new food and new family is going to be learning enough for awhile.  We may do some formal homeschooling after a bit but initially we want Yeabsira to learn to trust us and feel comfortable with us.  Most of that trust will initially be developed through play and experiences together.  Eventually we plan on putting her in our public school (where Grant currently attends). There are wonderful and supportive teachers and staff there as well as an ESL program.  We will really let Yeabsira's progress lead us as to what the right timing for public school would be.  We are thankful that with Jeremy being home full-time, we have flexibility to do whatever is best for Yeabsira whether that's at home or at school or a little of both.

3)Does Yeabsira speak English?

Umm....not really.  She knows some words and phrases.  I'm suspicious that she knows a little more than she felt comfortable trying when we met her.  However, this is going to be a tough thing for awhile.  Unfortunately there is not Amharic on Google Translator!  Yeabsira can read some Amharic so we can point out questions in our English/Amharic phrase book and she can answer yes or no.  We will be doing a lot of gestures, charades and hopefully laughing at our feeble attempts at Amharic.  We may use a computer-based English learning program once Yeabsira gets settled in.   This is potentially an area of significant frustration for everyone as we learn how to communicate with each other.

4) What's her story?  Why is she in an orphanage?

It's obvious to most that children in an orphanage or children adopted internationally are not in that situation  because of a happy life and background.  Children in orphanages have experienced significant loss and trauma.  Some of have experienced death of moms and dads, some have been abandoned, some have been relinquished due to severe poverty, some are not wanted....whatever a child's story, it is not a happy one.  So when people causally (and usually with  good intention)  ask us "why is she in an orphanage?" it like asking us to share her most personal, painful and traumatic stories without her permission.  We want to be very respectful of Yeabsira's history and allow her to share her own story when she is ready and to whom she is comfortable sharing it with. So, please don't think we are rude when we choose not to share, we are simply trying to respect our daughter's right to share her own story in her own time.

5)What can we do to help your family?

Many of you have asked this kind of question. Thank you.  In many ways this is similar to bringing a baby home.  There will be the initial exhaustion of jet leg.  There will be the huge transition to another child.  Just like a new baby, a new older child will change all of our family dynamics.  There will be a lot of focus on Yeabsira's needs.  In other ways this feels more intense than bringing a baby home.  Yeabsira may be grieving the loss of everything she knows, she may feel scared, sad or angry.  And through all of that she won't be able to communicate with us because of the language barrier.  

I imagine an initial "honeymoon" period where everyone is excited and seems happy but I think there will eventually be a period of grief for Yeabsira to process through.  How that will look I  have no idea.

So how you can help?   Just like with a new baby meals/snacks/food/ etc are all very welcome.

An offer to pick our big kids up from their activities may be helpful.

Other ways to help that may not be obvious is to be patient with us.  We want everyone to meet and get to know Yeabsira, but initially we need her to bond and trust us.  She has lived in an orphanage setting where all adults are caretakers and there's not a  primary "parent" to bond to.  We need to help her learn what it looks like to live in a family where parents take care of kids.  So we may stay close to home initially.  We may not invite lots of people over right away.  We may skip church where she might easily feel overwhelmed with lots of wonderful people wanting to meet her.  Please be patient as we teach her what "family" looks like and then we will slowly start including more people in her life.

Send a text or make a call to check on us.  This can be pretty intense parenting from what we've heard from other adoptive parents of older children.  Just to know you are thinking about us will be so encouraging.

Feel free to ask us other questions!  I will try to answer them as best as I can.  Thank you so much for sharing in our excitement and adoption journey!